Antonio Guillem/

So here you are, spiritual and single – and possibly tired of if. You may have been in a relationship before and for some reason you ended up alone again. This happened to many of us, including me. Perhaps it just didn’t work out or you grew apart. Maybe you got hurt and you had to leave. Missing out on the warmth of a nest can be a gruesome experience, especially if you have had a taste of it. You may wonder, will it ever change?

It may or may not, and I can’t give you any guarantees. But what I can do, is help you along on your path and with the right, spiritual attitude, things will clear up for you and new relationships will form.

If you have never been in a relationship, you may have to learn a karmic lesson. Don’t dismiss this idea too quickly, for it is important to understand what may be going on for you and how to deal with it. No matter what the karmic cause may be, if there is one, your response and current behavior should be loving and forgiving – and make sure to include yourself among those you love. Love can heal anything and nothing is written in stone so the course of your life can change.

Relationships are tools for self growth and soul work. From this point of view, relationships never really fail. There are endless lessons to be learned for us beautiful souls and relationships provide an environment in which we can do so. Whether we are dealing with romantic relationships or family, friends or work-related ones doesn’t matter, they are sacred and should be treated as such.

Relationship problems do not teach you about the other person. They teach you about you.
Did you feel abused? Why did you let that happen for so long? Were you cheated on, controlled, molded into somebody that wasn’t you? Could you be yourself and did you feel supported in that? So many things may have been going on, but ultimately all of these were pointing at something in you that needed healing. Relationship problems teach you about your relationship with your self and through yourself, with God.

Try to be your own best friend or advisor and look at whatever was going on for you and give yourself some good advice. Stop him from abusing you. You are worth it not to be cheated on. She should love you the way you are and not try to turn you into somebody you are not. Learn to love yourself. If you can’t love yourself, you cannot love somebody else and you cannot love God. And that’s the point.

How is your relationship with God? Do you even have one? If you felt abused in your marriage, may I ask you if you abused God? Many people only pray to God when they are suffering or afraid, so they are selfish in their relationship with God. You talk to God when you need Him and when you don’t need Him, He doesn’t even exist for you. Isn’t that how it often is?

If you are religious and you have the habit of thanking God for your meal, do you really mean it? It is always us who want something from God, but do you ever wonder if He wants something from us? We always want God to serve us, but do we serve Her, and how do we do that? Going to church? Volunteering at a homeless shelter, then brag about it or feel good about yourself and meanwhile criticize and condemn those who live in big houses? Who are you to judge others when you can’t see the big picture.

All these things, your entire relationship with God is reflected in your romantic love relationships – and by the way, every relationship should be a love relationship. As a matter of fact, God gives you an opportunity with each relationship so you may learn to love Him. To heal your personal relationships, you have to heal your relationship with the Divine!

Can you see God in the other one? Yes, if he is nice to you but what if he isn’t? That too is God, teaching you what you need to learn. God is in everybody and everything – learn to recognize Him! And when he is hurting you, communicate with God and say: “God, your way is the way of Love. This, what You are doing to me now, is not Love so this is not Your way and hence, this is not You.” And God will ask you: “So if this isn’t Me, what are you going to do about it?” And on it goes. God is your teacher as well as your Creator and he teaches you how to love – others and yourself.

Perhaps you are on a spiritual path, perhaps you know the things I talk about, but you are still single. Know that class is not over yet. There is still so much to learn. So the next time someone comes into your life and opportunity arises, welcome it as a means to honor and love God.

Don’t come from a needy place, but from a giving one.
Instead of focusing on your own loneliness, desire to be there for another.
No need to sacrifice your own happiness to make the other happy.
Marriage is not a contract, for Love is unconditional.
Nobody completes you, you should be whole by yourself.
He who does not love himself, cannot love another.
Let Love be your guide and remove all false motivations to be with someone.

If you were hurt in the past, heal yourself first before getting involved again – don’t bring your old luggage into a new relationship. Healing doesn’t just mean to heal your pain, it also means to learn what you needed to learn, to become whole; it’s never too late for that.
And, oh yes, forgive the other one. It doesn’t matter how or what, God brought this person in your life and acted through him or her to show you or teach you something. It wasn’t about the other one, it has always been about you…


I pray that you may find peace and love, and have wonderful relationships.
Please write your comments below, or Ask Roel. That big blue button is there to click on. Many blessings and much love!  – Roel

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